Springtime in the Age of Tariffs
Spring is in the air, and confusion abounds. Just turn on the news, and it’s impossible to know what is up and what is down. Everyone is looking for some solid plan to keep them sane. To help ease your worries amid the craziness, I offer some free suggestions from my own experience of relaxing way to enjoy spring.
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TRY SOME FISHING
GET YOUR BAIT:
Fishing is the perfect way to get in touch with nature. You will need bait, so I suggest you skip the pricy bait shops and catch your own worms like my father did. You’ll need a long electrical cord with a plug on one end, several foot-long metal rods, and some insulating material. My dad (a dentist) used denture acrylic, but I suggest you find something safer. Cut the cord in several spots, wrap a hot wire at the top of each rod, then insulate the connection.
On a wet lawn (water it first if rain is in short supply), shove the unwired ends of each rod into the grass in a line. Plug in the cord, and presto! Shocked worms zoom to the surface, and kids watching who have their hand on the ground get a jolt. Gather the worms and get ready to fish!
HEAD OUT FISHING:
Fishing is best done by sneaking out of the house and going alone, but if necessary, it can be done with kids. If you do take them, be prepared for anything. My ‘Little Brother’ Mike once caught a fish, then completely descaled the poor creature while pulling it out of the water and dragging it along the shore as he ran to get away from it.
Having a kid practice casting at home before going fishing might help. My younger brother, Patrick, once tried that trick. He cast his hook out of the yard and across the street. Unfortunately, he snagged a neighbor who was walking by. Despite hours of practice, hooking the Reverend was a catch greater than any Patrick ever made while fishing in water.
WALK ON THE BEACH:
There is no better free and fun adventure to occupy your kids than a walk on the beach. They can get muddy, find stinky things to poke, and collect washed up junk they want to take home. Eventually every walk on a beach will involve throwing rocks into the water.
As rocks are not (yet) subject to tariffs, rock throwing at the beach is much less expensive than playing Little League baseball. It is also more competitive at any age. “How far, how fast, how big, how much it splashed” — every toss is a competition. Eventually the fun will shift to skipping rocks along the surface, as the competitors try to outdo each other with their finesse of tossing flat rocks.
The final throws of the day are what make rock throwing at the beach a lasting family memory. It is the event that fires up the crowd the most. It kicks off when your kids start tossing rocks at each other. Back and forth, yelling and screaming, threatening each other.
This competition runs nonstop until one of three goals is reached:
A) The youngest kid gets smacked with a rock and cries;
B) A rock hits an older kid, who then relentlessly punches the younger sibling that threw it; or
C) The adult who craves a stress-free day at the beach chugs their beer, throws the can at the kids, then jumps in the car and drives away alone.
CELEBRATE EASTER:
The challenge of celebrating Easter in the Age of Tariffs is obvious. First, the price of eggs has been “reduced” to new record-high levels. Second, the word on the street is that the Easter Bunny got whacked from his job. The Silly Wabbit was told to name five constructive things he’d done at work in the last year. He just hopped around the question and didn’t bother to answer. And that was that.
So how can you share a meaningful Easter with your family? First, grab a first aid kit and a plastic bag. Go back to the beach to get your rock-tossing kids. Entice them into the car with snacks, then let them eat as you walk on the beach and fill the bag with rocks.
Then dump the kids at home and go buy some spray paint and candy. On the night before Easter, have an egg coloring party with your kids. As they sit at the table glued to their phones ogling over TicTok influencers, sneak into the garage. Paint the rocks, grab the candy, and hide the rocks and goodies on a small area of the lawn.
WAKE UP & REJOICE:
Early Easter morning, while the dew still covers earth, roll out of bed. Go outside and poke the worm shocker into the grass near the Easter ‘eggs’ and candy. Plug in the shocker and go make some coffee. Then, as the family rises from their beds and steps out into the yard, watch from the porch as they reach for candy in the wet grass. As the electricity passes through their fingers and up their arms, you will rejoice in knowing they are learning a valuable truth.
From that day forward, your kids will understand. They will know that when it is Springtime in the Age of Tariffs, each new day brings another unexpected shock.
Hang in there, laugh often, and stay safe! DJQ 3-11-2025